Pope Francis hasn’t watched TV since 1990. Has he missed anything good?

Here’s a catchup guide to what the rest of us have viewed over the past 25 years

On camera … Pope Francis, who watches no television. Photograph: Ettore Ferrari/EPA

If there’s a universal truth about people who don’t own a television, it’s that they’ll eventually tell you that they don’t own a television. Even Pope Francis is in on it. He’s just told an Argentinian newspaper that he hasn’t watched a single television programme since 1990.

Clearly, making this admission was a huge mistake on his part. It has made him look smug and out of touch – like everyone who doesn’t watch TV. There are certain things that a pope can get away with. Being God’s representative on Earth who lives in a gilded palace within his own independent city-state is one of them. But not knowing how Breaking Bad ends? Unforgivable.
So to help Pope Francis seem like a man of the people again, here’s a digest of everything that’s happened on television in the past 25 years. Your holiness, if you’re reading, please address the sainthood to the Guardian, London.

Aye caramba … Bart Simpson Photograph: Alamy

1990-1995 – The Simpsons, a show you probably saw right before you stopped watching TV, has just got really funny. Where possible, show people that you’ve been watching by sporadically feeding the terms “D’oh”, “Aye caramba” and “Okily-dokily” into your sermons.
1996-2000 – By this point, The X-Files is in full swing. It’s a series about conspiracies and cover-ups and the bald denial of science. You’d probably get on quite well with it. By the end of 2000, the hot new sensation of the day is Weakest Link, a gameshow much like the ones you probably grew up with, but presented by a woman who appears to hate her own audience. Think Pope Benedict and you won’t be too far off.
2001-2005 – This era saw the debut of The Office, a sitcom set in a workplace much like yours, but with fewer lavish staircases and ceilings that are made of actual gold. Also, there’s a great new show called Lost. It’s bold, it’s mysterious, it looks like it could be a winner.
2006-2010 – Bailando por un Sueño debuts on Argentinian television, the latest in a wave of celebrity dancing shows to sweep the world following Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing With the Stars. However, Bailando por un Sueño stands out because most episodes tend to descend into outright nudity. Your holiness should probably avoid this. And, by the way, don’t bother with Lost. The ending makes absolutely no sense.
2011-2015 – The show everyone is talking about now is Game of Thrones, which is basically Bailando por un Sueño, but with dragons. There was also a show called Sex Box, which probably isn’t worth going into in any meaningful level of detail. And, for the love of God, you have to stop saying, “Aye caramba” in your sermons. The Simpsons has been rubbish for about 15 years. You just look foolish. Try to keep up.

theguardian.